A moral dilemma
by BloodredCrimsonhands
Summary: Hannibal loves Murdock but won't do anything for fear over Murdock's ability to consent. After Murdock finds out its up to him to convince the Colonel he knows what he wants and he wants Hannibal.
1. Chapter 1

Hannibal sat in an armchair smoking a cigar and reading a military history book on the Korean war. After five high risk jobs within a month and almost being caught by Lynch he was enjoying a few weeks of relaxation in the mountain cottage Face had scammed for them. It was a small isolated town with only a couple of hundred residents most of them elderly but somehow Face had found a date and BA had gone off with the local Scout group on a camping trip after one of their leaders had broken his leg.

This left Hannibal...and Murdock who was currently cooking dinner while singing something which sounded vaguely like an Opera in Swahili.

"What are you cooking Captain?" the former Colonel called over his shoulder.  
>"Pasta in special sauce" was Murdock's reply which instantly made Hannibal wary. Murdock was a pretty good cook most of the time but when he started getting "creative" it was dangerous, aside from the time Face was partially paralysed BA had once ended up in hospital to have his stomach pumped luckily for Hannibal he was always wary of Murdock's food.<p>

"Special sauce Captain?" Hannibal asked extinguishing his cigar and heading towards the kitchen doorway grinning at the younger man's craziness despite himself. His fondness for the former Captain went a bit beyond the fatherly affection he felt for Face and BA but he would never admit it, he was the commanding officer, he didn't want to put pressure on the pilot. What he wanted wasn't what was best for the team, or for the unstable Murdock.  
>"I found some bottles under the sink and mixed them together tastes a bit burny... like chilli" the madman added as an afterthought.<br>The older man sighed, most of the time Murdock was amusing but he did have problems telling what was dangerous and what wasn't.  
>"Murdock what was in the bottles?" Hannibal asked doubting any answer could surprise him.<br>"Cleaning agents, bleaches etc" Murdock shrugged.

Then the pilot's whole body stiffened "it burns and its everywhere its following me and I...I can't breathe."  
>Hannibal was suddenly very alert, since he'd been legally responsible for madman for the last four years he'd got used to picking up signs of the state of his mental health. Murdock was tugging at hard at his shaggy brown hair.<br>"Can't breathe it's following me _and it won't go away_" he said singing the last bit in a hysterical high pitched voice.

"Captain" Hannibal said in his army voice sometime that snapped him out of it. But Murdock was too lost in his crazy brain and looking around with a desperate expression on his face. He wasn't seeing what was really there anymore.  
>"What do you see James?" Hannibal asked, the pilot seemed to come back a bit at the sound of his name. Hannibal never said the madman's name in any other circumstances he said it with too much love. He didn't want Murdock to know how he felt about him.<br>"Ammonia" he burst out with a strangled cry.  
>That was not good, when Murdock started talking about ammonia he got violent.<p>

Hannibal grabbed Murdock's wrist, he had to stop him from hurting himself.  
>"Get off me" Murdock screamed almost immediately digging his nails hard into the back of Hannibal's hand. But the Colonel refused to let go despite the pain. He'd had much worse. Murdock didn't know what he was doing and it broke Hannibal's heart to see his pilot like this.<p>

Murdock bit and scratched and hit back at Hannibal who tried to defend himself without injuring Murdock who was surprisingly strong he was a ranger after all but Hannibal was stronger and ended up straddling the younger man and pinning his wrists above his head.

There was nothing much Hannibal could do except wait for Murdock to calm down, which didn't usually take too long but Hannibal had a separate problem Murdock was writhing around underneath him. It couldn't have been more inappropriate but he had an erection, how the hell was he going to explain this when Murdock calmed down again? What he wanted didn't matter what was good for Murdock was.

After about fifteen minutes the anger faded from Murdock's eyes "B...bossman?" he asked unsurely at first and then.  
>"Oh God I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" he choked his entire body was shaking. Hannibal got off him quickly and stood up.<br>"Captain are you alright?" Hannibal asked,  
>Murdock giggled hysterically "<em>you're<em> asking if _i'm _alright, after I attacked you. I'm sorry...sorry...sorry" he kept repeating the last word sobbing.  
>"Murdock it's fine. I know you can't help it but...shall we move off the kitchen floor, let me have a look at those bruises" he said looking at Murdock's bruised wrists and scratched face.<br>"I think I want to go to bed now please" Murdock said tremors running through his body. 


	2. Chapter 2

Hannibal picked up the small pilot and carried him upstairs. After violent episodes Murdock was always shaky and submissive and Hannibal lay Murdock on his bed before searching for the first aid kit kept in Murdock's room for when these sort of things happened.

It was then Hannibal realised what had been bothering Murdock Hannibal had cuts and bite marks on his hands and face. Shrugging off the damage, it was only superficial and would heal quickly. Murdock had done more damage to himself specifically his face, deeper cuts which could get infected if not cleaned.

Murdock shied away from Hannibal as he reached for Murdock's face.  
>"Let me clean the cuts, they'll get infected" the Colonel said trying to sound commanding.<br>He rubbed antiseptic wipes over the cuts on the pilot's arms and face, bandaging up a particularly bad one, luckily most of Murdock's injuries would heal easily he shuddered as he remembered the time Murdock's medication had been changed and he became convinced he'd been possessed by aliens and sliced his arms open with a pen knife in attempt to remove the blood he perceived as infected, it was lucky Face had found him, or Murdock would have died. Fortunately these instances only happened every couple of months now he had come off his medication completely he had improved massively.

Murdock had finally stopped stuttering his apologies, his wild eyes focused on Hannibal's calm blue ones. Remembering the time he had almost lost Murdock effected Hannibal and he felt the distance between them close. Hannibal reached forward to put his hand on Murdock's waist but as he did so he knocked the first aid kit on the floor. The loud bang against the floorboards snapped them both back to reality.

Hannibal leapt of Murdock's bed, unsure of what to do. He reluctant to leave Murdock alone in this state but he didn't trust himself to stay.

"Were you going to kiss me Colonel?" Murdock asked a confused look on his face.  
>Hannibal groaned "I never meant for you to know that I...mmph" he was cut of by Murdock launching himself at him and kissing him.<p>

Hannibal stopped thinking he kissed back with force throwing Murdock back on the bed. By the time he regained his senses he was on top of Murdock again. It took all his self control to pull himself away.  
>"Hey" Murdock protested as Hannibal drew back.<br>"I'm sorry Murdock" he whispered, "You don't want this I know that."  
>"But I do Hannibal" Murdock argued.<br>"No you're not thinking straight and you want comfort not me. I won't take advantage of you." He said his voice coming out less convincing than he wanted, he forced himself to get off Murdock. He practically ran out the room. A full two seconds after closing the door to his own room he slipped his hand in his pants. Not knowing Murdock was doing the same in the room opposite.


End file.
